Comrade Link
by Arvidius
Summary: <html><head></head>The Hero of Time has once again saved Hyrule from the tyranny of Ganondorf. Surprisingly, however, he refuses to stop there. Oneshot. Rated T for language and stupidity. Read, review, & enyoy.</html>


**Comrade Link**

The voice boomed from the bowels of eternity: "CURSE YOU SAGES! CURSE YOU ZELDA! _CURSE YOU LINK!_"

And then, all at once, he was gone-adrift in an oblivion beyond comprehension. It was only then, almost reluctantly, that Link—the Hero of Time—sheathed the Master Sword which had moments ago banished the physical embodiment of evil itself into the labyrinthine realms of beyond.

Princess Zelda noticed that the usually vibrant hero, his purpose now fulfilled, seemed to age before her eyes. He breathed in a slow, haggard manner; the weight of the entirety of his existence now seemingly bore down on slouching shoulders. He staggered as the enormity of the moment hit him with more force than the bestial limbs of Ganondorf ever could.

Zelda braced the hero's shoulders as he tried to regain his footing. He turned toward her, noticing her for the first time. She gave him a melancholic smile. "Thank you, Link."

Link scratched golden locks of sweat coated hair as he looked around. He mumbled to himself, almost inaudibly: "Bloody 'ell. Why are we standing on clouds?"

Zelda simply starred into eyes matching the color of the sky that now surrounded them. "Thanks to you, Ganondorf has been sealed inside the Evil Realm; at last peace has been restored throughout the land…for a time at least." Zelda cast her eyes to the ground…or, sky rather…as her traditionally melancholic features once again assumed control over her face. "All the tragedy that has befallen Hyrule is my doing. I was so young…I couldn't understand the consequences of trying to assume control over the Sacred Realm. Now I will make amends…"

Link leaned over and spat a thick globule of saliva. "Aye that, you can start by abdicatin'."

"Of cour-_what_!" Zelda's melancholic serenity now gave way to her jaw descending earthward—er—skyward.

"Aye, what did you think I was fightin' for in the first place?"

"A Hyrule with its rightful government restored? A Hyrule without Ganondorf's evil permeating every facet of life?" Zelda offered incredulously.

"Oh, no. He was a right nice chap. Just don't like fascist dictators any more than I like kings or queens—if you follow me. Both repress the proletarian working classes for their own greedy satisfaction."

Zelda crooked an eyebrow. "Prole-what?"

Link looked slightly agitated at Zelda's ignorance and crossed his arms. "Have you not read _Das Rupital_, _The Communtarian's Manifesto_, any of those books?"

Zelda's eyes widened in additional in bewilderment. "Should I have?"

"They were tracts written by the great Comrade Karl Mizumi. Their primary thesis is that revolution, like, has to take back the means of production from the bourgeois ruling classes and return them to the hands of the masses."

Zelda stood in stunned silence before she offered meekly: "Link, Professor Mizumi was exiled to Lake Hylia because he was charged with sexually assaulting a Goron sumo wrestler…"

"Aye, but he's got a shark. Do you have a shark?"

"…No…?"

"Didn't think so, lassie. So, are you abdicating or what?"

"But…I'm a Princess…"

"Aye, well why are you a Princess?"

"Because my father was the King..."

"So, because you benefited from the absurd probability of being sired from some old git's loins, you should be vested with 'supreme executive power?'"

An angry and ferocious hornet seemed to buzz nearby. Then everybody gasped in terror once they realized it was the fairy Navi. "'Supreme executive power?' You are such a copy-cat. Why do you have to go and bring class into it anyway?"

"'Cause she's basing the substance of her authority on pure genetic determinism, not on a mandate of the governed. So let's say that I'm the love child of Ganondorf and the Deku Tree, what does that make me? Viceroy of the Kokiri Forest Marches? You see how absurd that sounds? You're rewarding silly people in funny hats and robes for getting a bit randy." Link absently munched on a bit of cloud. Its taste was disappointing.

Zelda grabbed Link's hand, albeit nervously. "What if I invite you into the Royal Court so you could reform the government?"

"And make me an instrument of the very autocracy I intend to overthrow through a glorious worker's revolution? Not on your life lassie." Link crossed his arms and stood defiant.

Zelda's face softened as she continued to stare at her hero. "Look, Link. You know that I've always admired you—always cherished you. I think you know how I've felt about you all these years… I don't want to quarrel with you like this. Can't we talk about this, as two reasonable people?"

"Hmmm…"

_Hyrule Castle  
>Two Days Later<em>

"Comrade Link?"

"Aye, Comrade Talon?"

"Hyrule Castle's on its way to demolition as you instructed."

"Aye, there's a good comrade! Has the Grand Assembly of the Hylian Proletarian Socialist Republic gathered?"

"Yes Comrade, but I have grave news…Bourgouis Imperialist Royalist Capitalist Pigs have fled to the nearby puppet worker repressing state of Termina to plot their anti-proletarian counter revolution!" Talon stroked his luxurious mustache with his forefingers.

"Well, we shall demonstrate our resolve by exporting the universal revolution of the Proletariat to Termina. Right Comrade Zelda?"

Zelda sighed in her ubiquitous dull gray peasant clothing. "Yes, Comrade Link. Worker's revolt…and all that…yay…." The profound lack of enthusiasm in her voice was drowned out as bombs simultaneously demolished Hyrule Castle.

"Comrade Talon?" Link querried. "Where is the great leader of our revolution, Comrade Mizumi?"

Talon looked puzzled. "He said something about leading the revolution after he goes to the sumo wrestling tournament,"

**Author's Note: A brief, silly story about Link being an anti-monarchist communist. This is what I initially intended one of my other Zelda fanfictions to be about until it took on a life of its own. This is also, not what I planned for either, but it's still closer to the original conception. And yes, Monty Python references were used to great lame effect. I am glad I got this done before the Royal Wedding on 04/29—if you get nothing else from this besides entertainment, or an aneurysm—then take away my profound anti-monarchist (though not pro-communist) sentiments. Down with the Monarchy. The UK can do much better. Please take a look at my other fictions (shameless self-promotion) especially the much more serious and epic His Fist and Da Capo Al Fine which I will one day complete. Read, review, and enjoy!**


End file.
